Fredward's Gethsemane
by SalemCassidy
Summary: When Freddie make the wrong decision during a personal crisis can his friends save him before it's too late? I do not own ICarly. Warning Gay Freddie, attempted suicide, blood, and the F word.
1. Normal

Carly looked up as the door to the apartment swung open. Someone was always walking into the apartment without knocking it was one of the reason's shed stopped walking around in her robe, the other reason lived across the hall and had a habit of walking into the things if she wasn't fully dressed when he came over. The reason in question loped through the door his eyes scanning the loft quickly and nervously as he closed the door behind him.

"Hey, Freddie." She said dog-earing her magazine before closing it and laying it on the coffee table. She couldn't help but smile at how nervous the geeky boy looked as he scanned the apartment yet again.

"Is Spencer here?" He asked finally sitting down on the couch facing the door.

"No, he went down to the scrap yard to look for sculpty stuff." She said turning to face her friend.

"What about Sam?" He asked looking around as if he expected the blond girl to drop from the ceiling and attack him.

"Gravy Dave's is having an all you can eat special; she'll probably be gone for a couple days." Carly said smiling brightly laughing quietly as an unabashed look of relief crossed Freddie's features.

"Can we talk?" He asked shifting in his seat.

"I thought we were."

"No I mean can we really talk?" He asked shifting again. Carly had known Freddie for a long time and he'd been in love with her for almost as long but she'd never seen him look quite so nervous.

"Yeah, what do you want to talk about?" She asked.

"Um…I have feelings for someone, but I don't think they like me back. I don't know whether or not to tell them." He said not looking her in the eye.

"Does this persons name rhyme with barley?" She asked rolling her eyes. "Because if that's it you don't really have to worry about it."

"No, it's not you." He said his voice beginning to sound frustrated. Carly's dark eyebrows rose towards her hair and her eyes widened.

"Really? You like someone else now." She asked her voice high and surprised.

"I've liked someone else for a while." He said nodding.

"What about the whole jumping in front of a truck for me and then dating me thing?" She asked cocking her head.

"I pushed you out of the way because you're my friend and I love you. I tried to date you because I thought it might make me happy enough to forget this other person." He said looking down at his hands clasped in his lap.

"So the whole 'me loving you for saving me' thing was an excuse?" She asked beginning to feel a bit irritated.

"Yeah, kind of, I'm sorry but I'm so confused right now and I need your help." He said fixing her with large brown puppy eyes. She wouldn't admit it readily but despite the fact that she really didn't have feeling for Freddie he had some of the prettiest eyes she'd ever seen.

"So who's this person you like? I can't help you if I don't know." She said her eyes latching onto his face.

"I can't really say, not yet." He said his eyes drifting over her shoulder to where Spencer's giant bottle robot stood.

"Does it rhyme with Spam?" She asked watching his face. His eyes snapped back to her as he scoffed.

"I'm not a masochist." Carly wasn't exactly sure what the word meant but she knew the reaction was genuine.

"Malika?" He shook his head. After a few more tries she'd exhausted the list of girls that Freddie had any interaction with. She was getting bored and irritated so she decided to tease the boy until he gave in and told her.

"Spencer?" She asked smirking as she said it hoping that Freddie would get irritated enough to spill. Instead he looking quickly away at a nearby acrylic gummy bear as bright red flush swept across the bridge of his nose. She stared at him silently for a moment her mouth hanging open and her eyes as wide as moons.

"What?!" She shouted jumping to her feet. Freddie jumped and fell off the couch quickly backpedaling out of reach. "What was that about?"

"I forget you're not Sam sometimes." He said staring up at her wearily. She reached a hand down to help him up.

"I'm not going to hit you because you like Spencer." She said as she helped pull him to his feet. The moment he was standing she took back her hand and slapped him on the shoulder.

"Ow, what happened to not hitting me?" He asked flinching away.

"Why can't you go crush one someone else's family?" She asked stalking into kitchen to the refrigerator.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." He whimpered after her. She grabbed a soda from the fridge and turned around her hair whipping out behind her. Freddie stood by the couch his shoulder slumped and his head hanging. She couldn't help but compare him to a kicked puppy and the irritation immediately started to drain away.

"How long?" She asked turning to grab another can out of the fridge. She handed it to the hangdog boy and nudged him towards the couch.

"Pretty much since the voice got deeper." He said glancing up at her through his bangs.

"Waite, you've liked Spencer all this time but kept chasing after me?" She asked popping the top of her can.

"I just wanted to be normal." He said running his thumb over the smooth, cold metal of the can. "I thought if I ignored it that it would go away, that my hormones were just messed up."

"No such luck?" She asked taking a long drink from the can.

"Nada." He said setting the can down and dropping his head in his hands. "You can't tell anyone!" He said sitting up quickly. "If Sam finds out she'll make my life even more miserable, and if my mom finds out she'll freak big time." Carly tried to imagine Mrs. Benson's reaction, all she got was an image of Freddie being carried away to a reeducation camp in the back of white van.

"I won't say anything."

"So what should I do?" He asked finally looking back up at her.

"What? How am I supposed to know? This is brand new territory, Freddie." She said throwing her hands up.

"You know Spencer." He said fixing her with his bright brown eyes again.

"Yeah, I know Spencer." She said setting her can down on the table. "I don't know if he likes boys, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like little boys, Freddie." She said putting her hand on his knee. It was actually kind of relaxing to be able to touch the boy without worrying about leading him on.

"I'm not a little boy." He said glancing back up at her. The effect of the glare was kind of ruined by the fact his bottom lip jutted out.

"Maybe not, but Spence is still a lot older than you, Freddie. I mean like jail time old. Regardless of whether he likes boys or not I don't think he feels the same way." Carly said bracing herself.

"It's only twelve years." Freddie said defensively.

"Are you listening to yourself?" She asked snapping her fingers beside his head. He flinched again; she was really going to have to talk to Sam about lying off her favorite punching bag. "Even if you were a few years older it's still a way big age gap."

"I know." He said finally throwing his head back. Carly was startled to find tear stains running down his face. "You have no idea how much I wish it was almost anyone else in the world." Carly scooted closer the crying boy, closing the distance between them on the couch; she threw her arm around his shoulders and tucked him against her. She barely made out, "I just want to be normal," as he turned and buried his face against her neck.

"What's up nubs!" Sam walked through the door right then carrying a large tub of thick brown liquid that she sipped before closing the door behind her. She almost dropped the gravy when she saw Carly and Freddie on the couch. Freddie's face was pressed against Carly's neck and his shoulders shook violent as the small brunette rubbed circles on his back. "What happened, did he break a nail?" Sam asked as she flopped down in a chair.

"Not now, Sam, please?" Carly begged locking eyes with the blonde hell raiser. Sam shrugged and pulled a biscuit out of the roomy pockets of her cargo shorts. She dipped it in the gravy before taking a large bite out of it. After awhile Freddie pulled away from Carly swiping at his now bloodshot eyes. He took one weary look at Sam and stood up from the couch.

"I've got to go home." He said quickly his voice was raw and cracked halfway through the sentence. He rushed out of the room, almost running as he slammed the door behind him. The moment the door closed Sam sat up straighter in her chair.

"Spill." She demanded as she locked eyes with her best friend.

"I can't, I promised I wouldn't say anything." Carly said crossing her arms and cementing an obstinate look on her face.

"Fredward's a homo isn't he?" She asked slouching back in her chair.

"No…of course not…how did you know?" Carly blustered.

"He kisses like a girl." Sam said simply taking another bite of her biscuit

"No he doesn't…how would you know?" Carly asked turning towards Sam who just shrugged and pulled another biscuit out of her pocket.

"You're not going to tease him over this are you? He's already having enough problems." Sam didn't get a chance to answer because the phone rang just as she opened her mouth. Carly jumped up and grabbed it off the cradle.

"Hello, Shay residence." She said after she hit the talk button.

"What did you do to my little boy, you horrible girl, he just came home crying." Mrs. Benson's sharp voiced shrilled through the phone.

"I didn't do anything to Freddie, Mrs. Benson. He's just having….girl trouble." Carly amended at the last minute.

"Since the moment he met you, you've been the girl trouble, Carly Shay. You got his boy juices all stirred up then you almost got him killed. I don't know if I can take this much longer." The woman's voice sounded tired and Carly knew she loved her son even if her way of showing it bordered on psychotic. She found it ironic that it wasn't actually her fault for stirring up Freddie's 'boy juices' but the irony wasn't enough to outweigh what Freddie was going through.

"I'm sorry Freddie's upset but I swear it's not me this time, Mrs. Benson."

"Is it that little blonde hell hound? Has she been picking on Freddie again?" Carly almost laughed at Sam's being described as a hell hound but she knew it wouldn't help the situation. "No it's not Sam's fault this time either, surprisingly enough, Freddie's got a lot on his mind. I'm sure if you leave him alone for a little while he'll feel better." She said trying to sound as soothing as possible.

"I don't know what's going on but I don't like it, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it, he's gone in his room and pushed the dresser in front of the door." Carly didn't like the sound of that either.

"Um… Mrs. Benson, do you mind if we come over and talk to him?" Carly said quickly trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

"I guess that'll be okay." The woman said grudgingly. Carly hung up the phone and grabbed Sam's arm dragging her from her chair.

"What? What's going on?" The blonde girl asked as Carly drug her towards the front door.

"Freddie went in his room and bushed the dresser in front of the door. I'm afraid he's going to do something stupid." Carly said her voice catching.

"Shiz!" Sam snapped jumping in front of the brunette and slamming the Benson's door open so hard it banged back against the wall. Mrs. Benson was standing by her son's bedroom door hugging herself and gently rubbing her hands over her arms. Sam ran across the room and hammered on the door. "Freddie, open this door, right now!"

"Freddie, please come out." Carly said from a few feet away as she tried to comfort his mother. They waited for a few moments but there was no sound from inside the room.

"Benson if you don't open this door I'm coming in there and pounding on you!" Sam said pounding on the door again so hard that it jumped on it's hinges. There was still no sound and Carly could feel her pulse speeding against her throat. Finally Sam took a step back and landed a hard kick on the door. The wood around the latch splintered and the door flew inward. The dresser screeched across the wooden floor as the force of the blow caused it to moved a few inches. Sam threw all her weight against the door and pushed in open, the dresser fell over. She jumped over it, Carly and Mrs. Benson following close behind. Freddie's bedroom was empty but the bathroom door was open a crack. Sam walked over and pushed open the door cursing.

Freddie lay naked in a tub full of pink tinged water. His skin was pale causing his dark hair to stand out startlingly. His lips were beginning to take on a bluish tint but Sam could see his thin chest shake as his lungs struggled to pump air. She reached into the bloody water and pulled the plug in the tub as she heard a strangled sob come from behind her. A few seconds later Mrs. Benson let out a ragged scream and tried to tear past Carly. As the pink water drained from the tub Sam wrapped her arms around Freddie's chest and tried to drag him out of the tub but even with her freakish strength she couldn't lift his unconscious weight. The water was gone but fresh, bright red still flowed from the ragged slices across his wrists and ankles. Carly was doing her best to restrain Mrs. Benson who was fighting like mad to get past her.

"Anybody home?" A familiar voice called from the living room. "The door's open."

"Spencer! Help!" Sam screamed still trying to get Freddie's limp wet form into her arms. Spencer bound into the room going pale as he watched his little sister struggle with his neighbor while Sam clung to a naked and bleeding Freddie.

"Oh god." He whispered before rushing past his sister and Mrs. Benson. He reached down into the tub and hooked one arm under Freddie's legs and the other behind his back. He lifted the boy's frighteningly heavy weight and headed back out the door. The three girls followed behind him. Sam was drenched and shaking ever so slightly. Carly was sobbing quietly while trying to comfort Mrs. Benson who had lapsed into an unintelligible keening sound.

"Whaheee!" Lewbert shouted as Spencer raced down the stairs into the lobby carrying the naked teenager.

"Shut up and call the fucking emergency room." Spencer shouted as he rushed out the door. His words were so quick and ferocious that Lewbert fell dead silent before grabbing up the telephone. When they got to the Benson's Prius Sam opened Mrs. Benson purse, which she had snagged on the way out of the apartment and pulled out the car keys. She opened the doors and climbed behind the steering wheel.

"Get in!" She snapped out the window as the older woman dithered near the passenger's side door. Mrs. Benson flinched but before pulling herself together and climbing into the car. Carly climbed into the rear passenger seat and grabbed Freddie's legs as Spencer climbed into the car still cradling the unconscious boy to his chest when he closed the door he let Freddie rest up against it for a moment while he tugged his shirt over his head. He quickly shredded the cotton into strips and handed half to Carly as he began tying the bands around the wounds on Freddie's wrists putting as much pressure as possible. Carly watched for a moment before bandaging the thin ankles that rested in her lap.

When the got to the hospital there were already nurses and doctors waiting by the door with a gurney. They took Freddie away from Spencer and deposited him on the wheeled bed before whisking him off into the recesses of the hospital Mrs. Benson close behind. Spencer stood in the sudden vacuum caused by their departure staring down at the too bright blood on his hands. Now that they were at the hospital and saving Freddie was no longer her responsibility Sam slumped to the sidewalk tremors running through her muscles. Carly sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around the shaking girl pressing her into Sam's curls as she began to cry. After a few moments Sam turned and wrapped her arms around her friend and for the first time tears started welling up in her eyes. Spencer stood still staring at the blood on his hands.


	2. Waking Up Alive

When Freddie first awoke he was only aware of how badly his head hurt and how atrociously dry his mouth was. As he woke his memories started flooding back: the solid, crushing weight of hopelessness, the sharp slice of the razors, the cold feeling that settled in as the water grew darker and darker. He had a foggy memory of warm, smooth skin against his side but he didn't know who's or why. He opened his eyes tentatively wincing as the fluorescent light sliced through his eyes into his brain like a knife. His stomach roiled at the sensation and he fought to keep from gagging. He opened his eyes again and it still hurt but not nearly as badly. Looking around the room he expected to see his mother sitting nearby staring at him with her too wide, too intense eyes. Instead he gasped as he recognized the all too familiar head of shaggy black hair resting against the back of the chair. He stared a Spencer for a long time amazed out how the goofy man still looked so handsome even asleep. After a while the tall man woke and stretched his gangly limbs.

"Hey, Fredo, you're awake." He said softly but happily as his eyes fell on the boy.

"Where's Mom?" Freddie asked hoarsely. He knew he'd have to deal with the spasmodic fall out eventually, he just wanted to know how long he had..

"She's down the hall in another room. The doctor had to sedate her after she took a swing at him." Spencer said waggling his eyebrows and pursing hi s lips. It was just then that Freddie realized that Spencer was wearing a pair of dark blue hospital scrubs instead of his normal t-shirt and jeans.

"What happened to your clothes?" He asked extremely relieved when Spencer handed his a small cup of water. The cup felt like it weighted a ton but he managed to lift it to his lips with Spencer's help and took a couple of sips.

"You bled all over my pants and I had to use my shirt to keep what little blood you had left inside you." Spencer said sitting back down into the big chair.

"Oh, you found me?"

"No, I got there after Sam kicked down door and tried to drag you out of the tub."

"Oh god, I can't believe you all saw me naked." Freddie moaned closing his eyes tightly as if he could make the memories go away by shear force of will.

"I think that's the least of it, why'd you do it, Freddie?" Spencer asked cocking his head to the side.

"Have you talked to Carly?"

"Yeah but she won't say anything. Not even after Marissa threatened her with pepper spray." Spencer said smiling tiredly.

"I'm gay, Spence." Freddie said his eyes still closed. It was easier to imagine what expressions flitted across the older man's face than actually have to watch them.

"So, that's no reason to scare us all like that." Spencer said as if Freddie had just told him he liked chocolate.

"I think I'm in love with you too." Spencer threw his head back and started laughing loudly. "What's o funny?" Freddie asked eventually. He wasn't sure what he had expected, well actually he knew what he'd hoped for, but it wasn't for Spencer to start laughing. It kind of hurt his feelings.

"I'm so not worth it, Fredo." Spencer said after he had managed to stop laughing.

"Why not?" Freddie asked genuinely curious. He had heard Carly's reasons for thing not working out, he wondered if Spencer's were any different.

"I'm way too old, I'm half crazy, and I can't stay in a relationship longer than a week need I go on?" Spencer asked rolling his head to look at the teenager.

"I already knew all of that, it doesn't really matter anyway. You're not the reason I did it, one of them."

"What are the others?"

"I just wanted to be normal and obviously that's never going to happen. If it wasn't bad enough that I was a geek and Sam the amazing Amazon's punching bag I have to turn out to be gay and in love with a guy almost twice my age? It was all just too much and I didn't want to deal with it anymore." Freddie said turning his face to the wall as fresh tears burned in his eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Freddie. Nothing can happen between us. You're cute, don't get me wrong, if you were a little bit older than things might be different. I do love you, but I love you the same way I love Carly, you're like my little brother that lives down the hall." Spencer said reaching out to touch Freddie's IV punctured hand. "I can't speak for Sam, but I think she'll lay off from now on...you know after she beats the crap out of you for trying to kill yourself. You really scared them."

"I know. I feel so stupid," Freddie whimpered fresh tears leaking out of his eyes. "And I don't know what this is all about." He said gesturing towards his face. "I don't think I've cried this much since I was in diapers."

"Being a teenager is hard, dude. Now I need to go tell the doctors you're awake and call the girls. I'll be back soon, okay?" Freddie nodded as the lanky man loped out the door. Freddie was starting to feel better, his head still hurt more than anything he'd ever felt is his life and his mouth was still a desert despite the water he'd drank, but things didn't seem so bad. He'd told Spencer the truth and he didn't freak out, he didn't feel the same way either but Freddie had never really expected any reciprocation. He still had to face his mom, Carly, and Sam and he knew that wouldn't be easy but thing just didn't seem as bad. It wasn't long before the doctor came back in, he checked Freddie over and called in a nurse to add a pain reliever to the iv drip for his headache. He also scheduled a session with the hospitals psychologist before leaving. After he was gone Spencer came back in and sat back down.

"The girls are on their way over." He said wiggling deeper into his chair.

"Thank you, Spencer." Freddie said trying to sit up. Spencer came over and adjusted the hospital bed so it raised the teenager into a sitting position.

"What for?" He asked as he sat back down.

"For saving me, for not trying to kill me because I'm in love with you, for just being here." Freddie said his lips quirking into a half smile.

"It's no problem, Freddie. I _do_ love you; I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you." Spencer said reaching out and patting the boy's hand again. They sat there quietly until Carly and Sam came bouncing into the room. They screamed in unison and fell upon the bed hugging Freddie tightly.

"Alright, everybody out." Sam said after she had finished hugging Freddie.

"What? Sam we talked about this, you need to stop smacking him around, and you can't beat him up he's in the hospital!" Carly said grabbing Sam's arm.

"I'm not going to hit him. I promise, I just want to talk to Fredward alone for a minute." She said pushing Carly towards the door. She looked at Spencer but he just shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door. Sam closed to door behind and turned to Freddie. He leaned away from her trying to sink into the bed while reaching for the call button.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I swear." Sam said as she walked towards the bed. She leaned down over Freddie. He shook his head quickly his eyes wide. Sam grabbed the front of his hospital gown and jerked him up to meet her. "I have always wanted my very own little gay puppy boy, and now it looks like you fit the bill. If you ever try this bullshit again I will put a collar on me and chain you to the foot of my bed. Do you understand me?" She asked shaking him lightly.

"Yes." He said his eyes still bugged with fear. She swooped down and kissed his cheek.

"If you ever tell anyone I did that I'll beat you with a sack of quarters." She said before going over and opening the door. Freddie's eyes still followed her around the room and they were still bugged but some of the fear had left. Carly walked back over and sat down on the edge of the bed while Sam hovered in the corner like an ever present threat.

"I told Spencer to go home and get some sleep." Carly said smiling down at her friend.

"How long has he been here?" Freddie asked.

"Since yesterday, the doctors tried to get him to go home but he wouldn't leave until he knew you were alright." Carly said shaking her head and smiling fondly. "Did you talk to him?"

"Yeah," Freddie said glancing over to where Sam stood in the corner. "He said I was his little brother that lived down the hall."

"Oh, Freddie, I'm sorry." Carly said reaching over to brush the hair out of his eyes.

"It's alright, I didn't expect much anyway. I'm sorry I was so stupid." He said staring into her eyes before glancing at Sam to include her in the apology

"It's not your fault, but if you ever do it again I'm going to beat you with a sack of quarters." Carly said smiling as smacked him gently upside his head. It was the only place she could think of that didn't have stitches or needles coming out of it. Sam laughed from her corner.

"Did the doctor say when you could leave?"

"He said I lost a lot of blood, he's was actually surprised I made it, he said I needed to recover for a few days and have a session with the shrink before they'll release me." Freddie replied rolling his eyes, it was no less than he knew he deserved but he still wanted to go home.

"Has your Mom been in yet?" Sam asked finally standing away from the wall to take Spencer's chair.

"No, Spence said the doctors had to sedate her. I'm not looking forward to dealing with her. I won't be able to shave for a year and she's already got a lock on the knife drawer."

"I'll try to talk her into an electric shaver, I think she likes us more now that we've saved your life." Carly said smiling.

"Yeah but if she ever finds out how I feel about Spencer she'll lock me in my room until I'm eighty." She said returning the smile.

"What are you going to do about that?" Sam asked leaning forward in her chair. "I mean you can't just stay in love with him can you?"

"I don't know, I've tried to forget about him but it's not easy. He's cute, he makes me laugh, has one of the most perfect butts I've ever seen…." He trailed off as Carly jumped back from the bed waving her hands around her head as if to dispel the image.

"Ew, ew, ew," she chanted as she bounced around in a circle. "It's just Spencer."

"My mom always says the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one." Sam said grinning. "What about Griffin?" She asked.

"Griffin's not gay, he made out with Carly." Freddie said.

"So did you and so did Nevel, she's some kind of gay magnet." Sam said grinning widely.

"That's not very nice, Sam." Carly said shooting Sam a dirty look. "You have a point, but it's not a very nice point."

"Besides what straight boy collects Tiny Babies?" Sam asked.

"Another valid point and Griffin was kind of cute." Freddie admitted. Carly turned to him with her mouth open and her eyes sparking.

"You hated Griffin, and that was after the voice got deeper." She said her jaw still hanging.

"Well like I'm going to say 'wow he's cute'." Freddie said rolling his eyes.

"Why not? I did." Sam said smirking she had curled up in the chair and produced a biscuit as if by magic that she nibbled on.

"FREDDIE!" The scream echoed down the hall causing all three teens to rush jump. Carly darted out the door.

"See you later, Fred dork." Sam said reaching over to ruffle Freddie's hair before she ran out to the door. Leaving Freddie to try and figure out how to escape the coming maternal storm by himself.


	3. I Can Live with That

It had been nearly three weeks since Freddie left the hospital and things were definitely different. Sam hadn't hit him once the entire time or made fun of him, but every time they were alone together she would come over and pet his head. It was strange but kind of nice; it was a big improvement anyway. Carly's insistence that he go shopping with her and comment on ever outfit she tried on wasn't. Even worse he'd barely seen Spencer a handful of time in those three weeks. He was beginning to wonder if the older man had begun to feel uncomfortable. The confrontation had been pretty bad but not what he'd expected. Apparently her mildly psychotic love for him was more powerful than her fear of his death. He was shaving with an electric razor with the face plate melted on, but she hadn't freaked over him being gay…well not any more than she'd freaked over him being straight.

In spite of it all Freddie was at his wits end. He had known some things would change when he came out and he'd half prepared himself for Spencer never speaking to him again, but the sculpters absence was beginning to wear on him. Couple with the way Sam and Carly treated him now he wasn't sure what to do. Finally he decided to go upstairs and talk to Griffin. If Sam was wrong and the Tiny Baby collecting teen was straight then he lost nothing, if he was gay though he might actually be able to provide some guidance. Freddie left a note for his mother telling her where he was going and how long he might be, a mandatory addition after the hospital, and climbed into the elevator. He'd convinced Lewbert to give him the address. For some reason every since he'd come back from the hospital Lewbert had acted strange around him, definitely uncomfortable, he'd do whatever Freddie asked just to get away and into his office. It would have been cooler if he hadn't known it was because Spencer had carried him through the lobby and out into the street buck naked.

He found the apartment door and knocked. He was startled with a short middle aged woman with dark hair opened the door. Her face was surprised but soft it was kind of weird to see a mother without the fierce protective look that his had. He stood staring at her for a moment without even realizing it. When he finally managed to shake himself free of his reverie the woman was still standing there with an uneasy smile on her face.

"Um…is Griffin here?" He asked feeling slightly stupid.

"Oh, yeah he just got out of the shower he's in his room." She said stepping back inside the apartment and gesturing for Freddie to come in. She pointed to a door sitting in the corner of the small living room before wondering off toward what he could only assume was the kitchen. He walked over and rapped softly on the door.

"It's open." He pushed open the door to find Griffin sitting on his bed in a pair of pajama bottoms with a towel thrown across his bare shoulders. His dark hair was plastered against his head and random beads of water dotted his smooth, freckled skin. When Freddie walked in closing the door behind him the other boy looked up his face filled with surprise and confusion. "You're Carly's friend, Frankie, right?"

"Freddie."

"Right, Freddie." The other boy said nodding his head before running the towel over it. "What can I do for you?" Freddie started at the sound of Griffin's voice; he'd been watching a particularly lucky drop of water curl around the older boy's nipple before sliding down across his stomach.

"Are you gay?" He asked his eyes snapping up to the dark eyes that were suddenly wide.

"What gave you that idea?" Griffin asked running the towel across his chest.

"You collect Tiny Babies."

"Not anymore, I guess I kind of outgrew them. I collect Pixie Pals now." He said nodding to the shelves over Freddie's shoulder. He turned to find display cases half filled with porcelain figurines of small people with wings cavorting around giant mushrooms and flowers.

"No offense but that's still kind of gay." Freddie said smirking at the older boy.

"Did Carly send you here?" Griffin asked standing and crossing his arms. "Because I don't care that she broke up with me, but this isn't cool."

"No, Sam actually suggested I come." Freddie said shifting nervously. "I just came out and I'm having some issues. I don't really know any other gay people and you were the only person who was remotely close that I could think of, I'm sorry if I've bothered you." He turned to leave and winced as Griffin caught his wrist. He turned back towards the other boy trying to extricate his wrist without letting his shirt sleeve ride up. Unfortunately it did and Griffin stared at the tell tale bandage.

"Man, I'm sorry, why don't you sit down." He said gesturing towards the bed. Freddie pulled his sleeve back down over the bandage and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I don't like to tell people about me because they never act the same way." Griffin said beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. "A few good friends know and they're cool but it was hard telling them." He said turning back to Freddie.

"Telling my friends wasn't the hard part, but you're right they act so differently now. Sam treats me like a Labrador retriever and Carly acts like I'm her personal shopping buddy and Spencer won't come near me."

Carly sat on the couch reading through a magazine. She was getting a little bit bored. She was beginning to wonder why she bothered spending money on the things. She usually never got to read them, Sam or Freddie was always over, and when they weren't Spencer was bouncing around the house or setting things on fire. Normally she wished she just had fifteen minutes to sit down and read an article. Now she was hoping and praying someone would come in so she could stop. She was about to give up and finish the article when Spencer slumped into the room. Her eyebrows rose as she caught site of her brother. She hadn't seen a lot of him lately which was odd enough by itself. He looked tired as he slouched towards the kitchen but his hands caught her eye. They were raw and read like he'd been outside in the snow without any gloves. Spencer sat down on the couch and she reached over and took one of his hands gingerly.

"What's going one Spence?" She asked examining the raw skin.

"I can't stop washing them; every time I close my eyes I see blood all over them. No matter how many times I wash them there's still blood." He said staring down at his chapped hands.

"Spencer we've all told you it wasn't your fault, even Freddie said he didn't do it because of you. In fact you saved his life, you've got to get over this before they fall off." Carly said gently stroking the healthy skin above her brother's hands.

"I know he said he did it because he wanted to be normal, but what if he was just saying that to make me feel better? I can't look at him without seeing him pale and bleeding." Spencer said covering his eyes with his hands.

"Well this isn't helping anything, Spence. You're beating yourself up and you're avoiding Freddie which really isn't good for him right now. What if he thinks you're staying away from him because he makes you uncomfortable?"

"I know. I've thought of that, and it's not true I don't think of him any different, Carls. But I feel like shit, he could have died."

"Well you know what you have to do."

"Talk to Freddie." Spencer said sighing and leaning back on the couch.

"Yeah, but first we need to take you to the doctor and get you something for those hands." She said grabbing her brother by the wrist.

"But I don't want to go to the doctor!" Spence wailed as she drug him towards the door, he was actually starting to sound like himself.

"Well that really sucks man. I know Spencer never like me but I don't know why he'd freeze you out." Griffin said glancing over at the younger boy. The last time he'd seen Freddie he'd still been fighting his ever-growing attraction to guys. Now that he could look at the boy without struggling he had to admit he was pretty cute.

"I told him I was in love with him." Freddie said laughing bitterly

"Oh…wow, still it's not cool for him to start ducking you. I mean you guys were friends, right? He should be able to accept you no matter what." Griffin said reaching over to rub Freddie's back.

"He said I was like his little brother." Freddie said smiling though his eyes were welling up. To his surprise Griffin wrapped his arms around him and he found himself pressed against the older teen's lightly muscled chest. When Griffin let him go he couldn't help but blush which made the older boy laugh.

"Well listen, should leave and let you finish dressing."Freddie said standing from the bed. Griffin stood and followed him to the bedroom door. He stopped and jotted his number down on a scrap of paper.

"Hey, call me some time, if you need to talk or want to grab a bite to eat." He said handing to slip of paper to Freddie.

"Thanks, I'll do that." He said smiling up at the other boy before walking across the living room and out of the apartment. Freddie stood in the hall staring down at the piece of paper, he just got a boys phone number. Not just any boy, but Carly's hot ex boyfriend's number. He wasn't sure what to do next. He did feel a lot better and he couldn't wait to call Griffin even though he was going to wait as long as possible to keep from looking needy. None of it fixed his Spencer problem though. He knew he was better off forgetting the goofy artist and moving on with his life, but he didn't want to lose Spence as a friend either. Finally he decided to go try and talk the man, maybe if he could show him that he wasn't obsessing over him things would get better. He rode the elevator down to their floor and tap on their door. No one answered so he tried to knob which turned easily. He was really going to have to set up security camera's for the Shay's so they didn't get robbed blind. He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch to wait.

"The doctor said if you keep putting on the salve and only wash your hands when you need to you should be fine." Carly said as they walked towards their front door.

"I know, I'll do my best." Spencer said looking town at the large tube of skin cream. Carly opend the door and jumped as she noticed her friend sitting on the couch.

"Hey Freddie." She said staring at the boy.

"Hey." He said his eyes going straight to Spencer as he walked through the door. The sculpter stopped dead and stared at Freddie. "Do you mind if I talk to Spencer alone?" He asked his eyes flicking back to Carly.

"Sure I think that's a good idea. I'll be in the studio." She said trotting towards the stairs. Spencer walked over and dropped down onto the couch. After Carly had disappeared up the stairs Freddie took and deep breath and turned to his friend.

"I'm sorry if what I told you freaked you out. I wanted you to know that I'm not still obsessed with you. I've even got a date, or at least I will when I call him later." Freddie said showing Spencer the piece of paper with Griffin's number on it.

"Freddie, I haven't been avoiding you because I was freaked out because you like me. I can't look at you sometimes." Spencer said shaking his head. Freddie froze, going dead stiff fighting the tears welling in his eyes.

"Every time I look at you I see you lieing in my lap bleeding to death. Every time I close my eyes I see your blood on my hands." Spencer said looking up at the teenager.

"I don't hate you, you don't make me uncomfortable, I'm just having issues because we almost lost you because of me." HE said reaching over and stroking the younger boy's cheek with his hand.

"I told you, Spence, it wasn't your fault. You weren't even the tip of the iceburg. I was just messed up and freaked out by my life." Freddie said grabbing Spencer's hand and stroking the glistening red skin.

"I know, I guess I figure I should have noticed something was wrong."

"My mom didn't even notice anything was wrong, Spencer. You can't blame yourself. The only person who could have done something was me, and I was too afraid to talk to anyone. I don't want things to change between us, Spence, can you promise me that?"

"Yeah, Freddo, things aren't going to change between us." Spencer said grinning.

"Thanks, Spence." Freddie said darting in to kiss Spencer on the cheek before dashing up the stairs.

"That was different." Spencer said staring up the stairs after the teenager.

"Hey, how did things go?" Carly asked as Freddie came through the studio door.

"I think things are going to be okay." He said smiling as he flopped down into one of the beanbag chairs.

"Good, dealing with crazy people has been wearing me out." Carly said snuggling back down into her own chair.

"You deal with Sam all the time."

"I know. But she's maniacal crazy not angsty self mutilation crazy." Carly said rolling her eyes.

"I have some more good news." Freddie said smiling widely.

"What?"  
"I got a guy's number."

"Really, who's?" She asked leaning forward in excitement.

"Griffin." He said smiling even more brightly.

"Oh." She said quietly.

"You don't mind do you?" He asked.

"Of course not, I dumped him, and apparently he's not into girls anyway." She said shrugging her shoulders. "You think you can deal with the Tiny Babies?"

"He collects Pixie Pals now, they're still really gay, but at least they're not stuffed animals." He said smirking.

"You want to go shopping?" Carly asked finally.

"Alright, but for every girly clothing store I go to you have to go to tech store with me." He said standing up.

"Deal, as long as I get to help you pick out and outfit to wear when you go out with Griffin." Carly said standing

"That works, you want to call Sam?" Carly stopped and stared at him.

"Sure if you want to, but we'll have to stop at every food stand in the mall." She said shrugging.

"I can live with that." He said smiling as he walked out of the studio.


	4. Nothing at All

They had been in the mall for nearly two hours. They had been to The Space and Gracie's for Carli, Radio Hut and Circuit Town for Freddie and twice to the food court for Sam who was still sipping a two quart tub of gravy as they stood in front of Abernathy and Snitch. Carli tapped her foot impatiently as she watched her friend nurse the gravy. Freddie stood staring off into the mall sneaking quick glances at the oversized poster featuring a shirtless guy in the window. Finally Sam tipped the cup up and chugged the thick brown sauce without spilling a drop. Carli was unaffected she had seen her best friend commit much more astounding feats of gluttony. Freddie was staring through entryway of Abernathy and Snitch. A well muscled guy wearing tight jeans and no shirt had just ambled through across the open space. Carli turned to say something to him and instead burst out laughing at the expression on her friends face.

"What?" He asked turning to her grimacing as his voice cracked slightly. "Why is that guy walking around without a shirt?"

"They do that here," Carli said shrugging.

"Yeah the free man candy is a big draw." Sam said smirking at the giant posters in the store front.

"I bet." Freddie muttered his eyes fallowing another model as he wondered by the door.

"Have you never been here before?" Carli asked cocking her head to the side.

"No," he said coughing uncomfortably.

"Your mother still buys your clothes doesn't she?" Carli asked smirking.

"If she didn't would I still be wearing polo shirts and nothing else?" He asked smiling despite the bright blush blooming across his cheeks.

"No polo shirts, check." Carli said patting her friend on the back.

"At least she doesn't make you wear antibacterial underwear." Sam said, Freddie blinked at her his eyes going wide with surprise. He was getting used to the new cuddly Sam, but her being supportive in front of Carli was odd. The look on the brunettes face was evidence that she was startled too.

"No khakis either, they make him look like a tool." Sam said walking off into the store. Freddie rolled his eyes and Carli smiled confusedly as they followed the blonde. Carli immediately walked off into the racks perusing each carefully. Sam followed her making small comment on each thing she pulled out to examine. Freddie followed them aimlessly keeping his eyes on the floor. Large photographs of half nude men adorned most of the walls and three or four live specimens. One wondered by the group and Freddie couldn't help but look up and ogle the man's tanned and tight chest. The model noticed his gaze and smiled before winking at him; Freddie blushed and stared at the ground immediately running headfirst into a display stand. He groaned as the gorgeous model walked away chuckling softly.

"I don't know if I like it here." Freddie muttered as he caught up with the girls. "Isn't it all a bit demeaning?" He asked glancing over his shoulder at the departing man.

"What do you call Hiding Vicky?" Carli asked as she turned to press a black t shirt against Freddie's chest. She shook her head and hung the shirt back on the rack.

"What size jeans do you wear, Freddie?" Sam asked.

"I don't remember." The blond girl pushed away from her rack and moved towards him. He immediately tensed to defend himself but Sam was fast. She darted behind him and grabbed the waist of his jeans.

"Sam, Sam what are you doing?" Freddie asked his voice going high with terror as he tried to escape her. She flipped the waist band out and peered at the tag. She turned him loose and patted the cloth back into place before setting off into the store. Freddie stared after her before turning to Carli who automatically burst into a fit of laughter clinging to a nearby rack to stay on her feet.

"Be glad she didn't take them off of you to find out." Carli said turning back to her search. Finally she pulled out a black t-shirt that had striped sleeves sown into the short sleeves to make it look like layers. "What about this?" She asked turning to Freddie.

"Isn't that a little emo?" He asked crinkling his nose at the shirt.

"It's not a dressy shirt and it's got long sleeves to hide your bandages." She said pushing the shirt at him.

"Griffin already saw them." Freddie said taking the hanger from her.

"He did, but no one else knows what happened, do you want them too?" She asked.

"No, not really. I don't want it getting around school that I tried to kill myself, people will act funny."

"Alright then, carry that shirt and we'll look for something better."  
"Okay, like a backup."

"Exactly."

"Do you think it's smart to let Sam wonder around the store by herself?" Freddie asked turning to scan the store for a head of curly blond hair.

"What do you mean?" Carli asked without taking her eyes from the rack she was going through.

"We're in a clothing store where there are scantily clad men wondering around unprotected and Sam's impulse control isn't the best." Freddie said still looking across the store.

"Good point, someone could get hurt, or worse." Carli said moving away from the rack she was going through. As they wondered through the store looking for Sam Freddie grabbed a thin hoodie from a rack and added it to the stack of shirts he was carrying. When they finally found the other girl she was standing behind a clothing rack staring at one of the models who was about a yard away examining himself in a mirror. Carli slid in behind her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Don't do it, Sam." She whispered harshly in her friend's ear.

"What?" Sam asked turning and giving the brunette wide, innocent eyes.

"I know you, Sam. You're planning on doing something horrible to that poor man. You'll get us all thrown out of the store, please try and restrain yourself." Carli said gently shaking Sam's shoulder.

"Fine," she sighed walking away. Freddie caught site of a pair of jeans he liked and stopped to look at them. When he turned the model who had been looking in the mirror had turned around and was favoring him with a smile. He turned to disappear into the store but the older man started towards him so he stopped and waited his mouth going dry.

"Hey, can I help you with anything?" He said as he drew closer, a small smile still plastered on his face.

"No…I'm fine." Freddie managed to stammer his eyes racing from the man's face, down his body, and to the floor.

"Are you looking for anything particular?" The model asked crouching down to catch Freddie's eyes.

"My friend wanted to help me pick out cloths for my first date." Freddie said locking eyes with the man.

"Oh cool, personally I think you would look great in this." The model leaned past him to grab a shirt from the rack behind Freddie. Freddie gasped as the man's muscled chest brushed against him and his expensive cologne flooded his senses. When the model pulled back to show him the shirt Freddie was blushing fiercely and holding the shirts in front of his fly.

"Thanks." He said taking the shirt from the man.

"Anytime." He said smiling warmly.

"I better go find my friends." Freddie said turning and nearly running off into the store. He found Carli and Sam standing beside the dressing rooms. He darted inside one before the girls could say a word and locked the door behind him. When the model had brushed against him he had grown instantly and visibly hard, he didn't plan on leaving the dressing room until it went away.

"Freddie, come out and get the jeans Sam found so you can try them on." Carli called from outside the door.

"Not right now, I'm going to try on the shirts first." He replied shakily forcing thoughts of grandmothers, car accidents, and dead fish through his mind but the model kept busting through the tangle.

"Well at least come out so we can see how you look." Carli cajoled.

"Freddie, get your butt out here before I come in and get you." Sam threatened tapping on the door.

"I can't, please leave me alone." Freddie pleaded fighting to keep the feel of the models chest out of his mind.

"What's wrong?" Carli asked.

"This is not a store to bring teenage boys who like boys." Freddie moaned shifting as he stood and began to pace. Carli looked at Sam confusedly who simply held up her index finger. Carli looked at the finger then looked at the dressing room door before gasping and laughing. "It's not funny." Freddie whimpered as he made another circuit of the closet like dressing room.

"I'm sorry, Freddie, I didn't think the floor walkers would have that affect on you." Carli said still trying not to laugh.

"I was fine then one of them touched me."

"What do you mean 'touched you?'" Sam asked her voice barely more than a growl. She turned and started looking over the sea of cloths for the model.

"He brushed up against me when he went to reach me a shirt. I think he was flirting with me." Freddie sighed.

"Oh, well, that's not quite worth a beat down." Sam shrugged and leaned against the door.

"You were going to beat someone up for me?" Freddie asked smiling.

"It's not okay to fondle teenagers in clothing stores." Sam said darkly"....unless they start it."

"Are you alright yet?" Carli asked tapping her foot impatiently.

"No, not really."

"Can't you just take care of it?" Sam asked sighing.

"I'm trying…what? NO!" Freddie hissed turning to glare at the door.

"Why? Guys do it all the time." Sam asked rolling her eyes.

"Because I'm in a changing room in the mall and there are people around." Freddie grumbled resting his forehead against the wall.

"We can take a walk." Sam offered.

"I'm not doing THAT in here." Freddie grumbled. The same model walked up to the girls.

"Can I assist you with anything?" He asked favoring them with what he thought was a charming smile.

"You've helped enough today, bub, take a hike." Sam said grimacing at the man.

"We're fine here, just waiting for our friend to get changed." Carli said returning his smile even though she felt like kicking him in the shin. He probably thought what he'd done was funny. And admittedly if it weren't Freddie trapped in the changing room it might be funny, but he'd been through enough without random people messing with him.

"Well just let me know if you need anything." The man said before walking away.

"Hey, Freddie, my mom said she thought you were turning into a hunk." Sam said with a deadpan look on her face.

"It's gone!" Freddie shouted from behind the door. "Maybe forever."

"Alright then, get out here and get these jeans, the mall closes in an hour."

"And I'm hungry again." Sam said tapping on the door. Freddie opened it and reached for the jeans. A few minutes later he came out wearing a pair of tight jeans and the hoodie he had grabbed. The hoodie was unzipped halfway down his shirt and showed that he wasn't wearing anything underneath it. Sam and Carli stared at him quietly for a moment. Carli's eyes were wide and unblinking and Sam's mouth hung open slightly.

"Does this look okay?" He asked

"That's fine," Sam said dully.

"You have no idea." Carli said her voice sounding distant.

"Do you think I should try on the other things?" Freddie ask still not noticing his friends state.

"I don't think so; we should probably get Sam something to eat before she starts harassing people." Carli said finally.

"Alright you go ahead; I'll go pay for these." Freddie said going back into dressing room. Carli and Sam walked away.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Sam said as they headed towards the food court. Carli stopped dead in her tracks and stared at her friend.

"Do we need to get you to the hospital?"

"No, I just lost my appetite." Sam said sitting on a bench just outside the food court.

"Why?" Carli asked as she sat down beside her.

"Because Mamma likes," she said gesturing to Freddie as he came out of Abernathy and Snitch. "And that's wrong on so many levels."

"I know what you mean." Carli said as they watched Freddie walked towards them. "Gay Freddie is hot."

"What were you two talking about?" Freddie asked as he walked up.

"Nothing." Carli said a little too quickly.

"Nothing at all." Sam said before getting up and walking towards the exit.

A/N: I've never really been in an Abernathy and Snitch store…or anything that closely resembles it (my impulse control is about as bad as Sam's), so everything in this fic was just my close approximation of what I think happens in there. So yeah the models probably don't act like sales clerks or flirt with teenage boys….but they do at Abernathy and Snitch, because this is my world I just share it with the rest of you.


	5. Up for It

The three teens were sitting in attic studio eating take out talking about their day at the mall. Carly was picking through her vegetable chow mien looking for one last piece of baby corn. Freddie was eating his sesame seed chicken delicately capturing each piece with his chopsticks before popping it in his mouth. Sam was sifting through the five boxes scattered around her feet trying to find more food. Finally Carly gave up her search for baby corn and handed her box to Sam who immediately began to pick noodles from the carton with her fingers and suck them into her mouth.

"So when is your date with Griffin?" Carly asked doing her best to ignore Sam's table manners.

"I don't know, whenever I call him I guess." Freddie said shrugging her shoulders.

"Dude, you're the guy guy." Sam said slurping another noodle between her lips.

"What?" Freddie asked smirking.

"The gay guy that acts like a guy and not a girl." Sam said fishing out another noodle. It was the last in the box leaving only a few snow peas and the elusive baby corn Carly had been searching for. She picked it out and tossed it to the brunette who caught it in her mouth crunching it and smiling warmly.

"Don't you think that's kind of sexist, Sam?" Freddie asked scooting his left over in her direction.

"That's the way these things work isn't it?" She asked snatching the carton from the floor.

"I don't know. I haven't really dated anyone before." He said shrugging again. "Besides what makes you such an expert in gay relationships?"

"I've watched every episode of Nooky Nooky Yuki, twice." Sam said nodding and smirking.

"What's that?" Carly asked shifting in her bean bag.

"It's yaoi." Freddie said staring at Sam like she'd grown a second head.

"Which is?" Carly asked making a 'speed it up' motion with her hands.

"Cartoons about gay guys, sometimes there's sex." Freddie said still staring at Sam.

"They make gay cartoon porn?" Carly asked bewildered.

"Yeah." Sam said smiling dreamily.

"That's some powerful crazy." Carly said smiling.

"They're from Japan." Freddie said shrugging.

"'Nough said." Sam said grinning.

"I guess." Carly shrugged and started leaving herself out of the bean bag chair. She walked around the room gathering up the empty take out cartons and depositing them in the trash can. With Sam as a best friend trying to keep ants from overtaking her apartment was a constant battle. The blond girl was like a squirrel, constantly stashing half eaten food in the couch cushions to eat later. She's eventually given Sam a box of baggies and a magic maker so when she decided to squirrel something away she could put it in a bag, write her name on it, and store it in the fridge instead of under the couch. Now Carly was in the process of training Sam to throw away empty food containers or at least leave them where she could find them and throw them away. Sam ate the last piece of sesame seed chicken from Freddie's carton and held it up to Carly who favored her with a smile and took it to the trash can.

"So when are you going to call Griffin?" Carly asked before sitting back down.

"When I gather up the courage, I'm kind of still in shock that he gave me his number." Freddie said.

"Why?" Carly asked.

"Because he's really hot and I'm not." Freddie said shrugging self depreciatingly.

"Freddie, you're adorable." Carly said smiling brightly.

"If I'm so cute then why would you never date me?" He asked glancing at her pointedly.

"I did date you, you broke up with me." Carly said returning his look.

"You only dated me because I saved you from that taco truck, and I only broke up with you because I realized I was gay." Freddie said.

"How did you realize you were gay?" Carly asked sitting forward in her chair.

"I had been noticing guys for a long time but I thought it might just be a phase then we started dating. You kept sticking your tongue down my throat and I felt nothing. I'd been chasing after you for years, I suddenly had you, and nothing was happening…down there." He said gesturing vaguely towards his lap. "I decided there was no hope, I must be gay, and then I noticed Spencer."

"Speaking of Spencer, don't you two have plans today?" Sam asked examining a strand of her hair.

"Yeah, he's doing a new sculpture. He wanted to add speakers…without the whole thing catching fire, so he asked me to help." Freddie explained unable to hide his excitement.

"You guys haven't really hung out since everything happed, do you think you can handle it?" Carly asked her face concerned.

"I think I figured out what happened with Spencer." Freddie said sighing heavily. "Spencer was always really nice to me when I was upset, he's really cute, and I just realized I was gay. He was there, he was male, and I love him. So I thought I was in love with him."

"I guess that makes sense." Carly said nodding sagely.

"So it shouldn't be too awkward. Just a gay guy who tried to commit suicide hanging out with his ex girlfriend's brother who he thought he was in love with." Freddie said rolling his eyes and smiling crookedly.

"Well you have fun with that," Sam said standing and walking towards the studio door.

"Where are you going?" Carly asked stretching languidly.

"I'm going to go watch Nooky Nooky Yuki on Spence's computer." Sam said as she opened the door. Carly glanced at Freddie then at Sam before darting to her feet.

"I'm…going to get…a class of…oh forget it I'm going to go watch pretty boys make out with Sam." Carly said dashing past Freddie without looking at him. Freddie watched his friends go smirking then jumped as the elevator dinged and opened. Spencer came out and looked around the studio.

"Where are the girls?" He asked walking over to Freddie.

"They went downstairs to watch something on the computer." He said pulling himself out of the bean bag.

"Girly Cow?" Spencer asked cocking his head to the side. Freddie couldn't believe how much the gesture reminded him of Carly or that he'd never noticed it before.

"Not exactly." He said smiling softly.

"Do I want to know?" Spencer asked.

"Probably not." Freddie said still smiling.

"Now I really want to know." Spencer said whining and stomping his foot.

"Believe me you don't." Freddie said walking past him to the elevator. Spencer turned and followed him. When the elevator opened up downstairs in the Shay living room Freddie walked over to the sculpture that was sitting in front of the couch and the Radio Hut bag holding the audio components he was supposed to be installing. Spencer wondered over to where Carli and Sam were sitting at the kitchen counter hunkered over the computer monitor. He leaned over Carly's shoulder to see what they were watching and yelled loudly and hoarsely before jerking back. Carly jumped and barely stopped herself from falling off her stool but Sam didn't even flinch, her eyes never left the screen.

"His…was in his…they were cartoons!" Spencer stammered loudly as he stumbled towards the couch pointing emphatically back towards the computer.

"I told you." Freddie said as he emptied the bag and spread the boxes around him. There was a Pear Pod dock, three bundles of fiber optic light ropes, and a control box for the lights. Freddie examined the electronics then looked up at the sculpture. It was a male mannequin wearing a ballet dress made of welded copper and steel, the dress was made so it fit the mannequin poorly, hanging open at the top to reveal the mannequins sculpted chest. Freddie couldn't help but blush when he noticed that Spencer had added nipples to the mannequin's chest and pierced them.

"How anatomically correct is this sculpture?" Freddie asked turning to look at his friend.

"Completely," Spencer said staring at his work. "I used myself as a reference." Freddie looked back at the mannequin, its face didn't really look like Spencer but he couldn't stop himself from staring at the skirt as if flared out around the mannequin's thighs.

"So where do you want the lights ran and the dock put?" Freddie asked turning back to Spencer. Spencer pulled a sketchpad off the end table beside the couch and flipped it open handing it to Freddie. It showed a detailed sketch of the sculpture and how the lights wrapped around it. Spencer walked around behind the mannequin and opened a panel in the back.

"This is where I want the dock," he said pointing inside the panel. "I already hollowed out a place for it." He said pointing. Freddie came over and looked inside the panel, just above the mannequin's butt a square had been cut into the plaster.

"Okay, I can do this, "Freddie said as he reached for a pack of the lighting rope. Spencer sat on the couch and watched as Freddie got to work checking the sketch frequently as he ran the lights over the sculpture attaching them with beads of epoxy. When he finished attaching the lights he connected the ends and fed them into the control box. It was only then that he noticed that the sculpture was standing on a mirrored base. He had bent down to attach the control box to the inside edge of the metal skirt when he looked down and saw the mirror and what it reflected. He looked away quickly blushing brightly. He had been very careful not to look; it wasn't that he didn't want to see what was under the mannequin's skirt. But for some reason he felt like he was preserving Spencer's privacy. Of course if the sculptor had cared that much about his privacy he wouldn't have modeled the sculpture after himself. Regardless once he realized that all he had to do to look up the skirt was to look down he couldn't keep his eyes away from the mirror.

"Is there a problem?" Freddie jumped and yelped. Spencer was standing right behind him and Freddie hadn't even seen him move.

"What?" Freddie asked turning around slowly.

"You've been standing still for five minutes." Spencer said grinning at the younger man.

"Oh…um…sorry, I got distracted." Freddie said fighting not to blush.

"Nice isn't it?" Spence asked grinning widely.

"What?!" Freddie asked staring at the artist.

"The mirror, I found it in the junk yard, not a chip." He said grinning proudly.

"All I have to do now is install the dock and run the rest of the wires." Freddie said going around to the back of the mannequin so he wouldn't be tempted to look into the mirror again. He took the dock out of the box and sat it back into the niche that Spencer had carved.

"You can't even see the seam can you?" Spencer asked as he sat back down on the couch.

"What seam?" Freddie asked distractedly as he ran an electrical wire down the mannequin's leg.

"The seam where I attached the butt, I made it with a plaster cast and some silicone gel." Spencer said.

"A plaster cast of you?" Freddie asked staring at the pink globes right in front of his face.

"Yeah!" Spencer said excitedly. Freddie stood up stick straight a rabid blush flowing across his face rabidly.

"I've got to run home for a minutes." He said heading towards the door.

"Did you forget something?" Spencer asked standing up from the couch. "If it's a tool I may have it lying around here."

"No, no I need to get my volt meter." Freddie said picking up speed without turning. He darted out the door and slammed it behind him. Spencer stood beside his sculpture with his arms crossed staring at the door.

"What's up?" Carly asked walking over to stand beside Spencer.

"I don't know, Freddie said he needed to go gets something then ran off." He said shrugging. Carly glanced at the sculpture then winced squeezing her eyes shut.

"Spencer! I thought I told you to cover up that mirror." She said covering her eyes.

"Sorry I forgot." He said grabbing the drop cloth off the couch.

"Now I have to go scrub my eyes." Carly growled stalking towards the bathroom

Nearly half an hour later Freddie came back into the apartment. His hair was visibly damp and his skin slightly bluish. Sam and Carly were still perched at the kitchen counter hunkered over the family computer. Spencer was sitting on the couch staring fixedly at the cooking channel on the television which was turned up uncomfortably loud. As Freddie walked closer to the sculpture he noticed that the mirrored stand had been covered with a scrap of canvas and his heart sped up. Did Spencer realize that he'd been fixated on the mirror? Had he guessed why Freddie left in such a hurry?

"Hey, Freddo, where's your volt meter?" Spencer asked when he finally noticed Freddie had come back.

"Oh, I couldn't find it, but I'm connected all the wires right, I'm sure it'll be fine." He said going around to the back of the statue. He opened the panel being careful not to look at anything but the electronics and finished connecting the wires.

"Why's your hair all wet?" Spencer asked as he watched Freddie tinker under his sculpture's skirt.

"I got kind of sweaty looking for the meter; I decided to take quick shower before I came back." Freddie said without glancing away from the dock. "Alright, I think everything's connected." Freddie said standing and closing the flap. If you bring me an extension cord and your Pear Pod I'll test it." Spencer nodded and walked back towards his bedroom. He came back a few minutes later with a green cord and his beat up mp3 player.

"Hey guys, come look at my new sculpture," Spencer said as he handed the cord and Pear Pod to Freddie. Sam and Carly came to stand by the statue as Freddie connected the mp3 player to the dock and the electrical cord to the wall outlet.

"Do you have any special requests?" Freddie asked while he reached into the back panel.

"Don't worry about it. The song I wanted it to play for the first time is the first one on the playlist." Spencer said folding his arms and grinning. Freddie turned on the music and stepped back as music started blaring from the sculpture and lights started pulsing and racing to the opening strains of Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar. Sam started clapping and howled; Carly stood waiting apprehensively for the mannequin to catch fire. Freddie stepped back and watched and listened until he finally smiled and clapped along with Sam.

"I think it's your best work yet, Spence." Sam finally said nodding.

"I know, I hate to sell it, but I did it on commission." Spencer said staring proudly at his work of art.

"I'll be glad to see it go, next time I see up its skirt I'm going to have to gouge my eyes out with a spoon." Carly said shaking her head.

"I like it, Spencer; you should do multimedia more often." Freddie said smiling at the older man's dismayed facial expression.

"You up for it?" Spencer asked glancing at the boy.

"Always." Freddie said smiling.


	6. Changes

Freddie sat in his bedroom holding the slip of paper that Griffin had given him and stared at the phone lying in front of him on the bed. He'd been trying gather up the courage to pick up the phone for almost a week. The episode with Spencer's sculpture had finally made the decision for him. He had almost gotten over the handsome artist but his physically undeniable reaction to the anatomically correct mannequin had posed a serious threat to his personal well being. Despite his resolution to call Griffin and get that part over with he had been staring at the phone for an hour and a half. With a sigh Freddie finally picked up the phone and punched the number in. He listened to it ring for a while before Griffin's voice came on the line.

"This is Griffin. I'm either asleep or away from the phone, please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I wake up." The older boy's voice was warm and husky and Freddie couldn't help but grin at the sound of it.

"Hey this is Freddie Benton from downstairs, I was just giving you a call, talk to you later." Freddie hung up the phone and groaned miserably gently smacking the phone against his forehead. He was pretty sure he had sounded like a complete doofus and his voice actually cracked halfway through the message. His voice hadn't cracked in months and it suddenly decided to splinter all to pieces while he was on the phone with one of the cutest guys he knew. Still it was good to know that the ball was in Griffin's court now, he had made his call and left his message, it was up to the older boy what happened now.

He got out of the bed and wondered over to his dresser and began to fidget with the things scattered across the top of it. It was a habit he'd developed from his mother. Whenever he was nervous he neatened compulsively whether things needed it or not. He had rearranged the top of the dresser five times when his phone rang. He turned and headed for the bed so quickly that his feet tangled and he ended up falling onto the bed on top of his cell phone. It rang again and vibrated against his stomach; he dug beneath him and pulled out the phone flipping it open.

"Hello?"

"Fredward, Carli wants to know if you want to go to the Groovy Smoothie." Sam barked. Freddie moved the phone away from his ear by an inch and sighed.

"I'm kind of waiting for a phone call." Freddie said weakly.

"What's the matter with your cell phone?" Sam asked.

"Nothing, I'm talking on it right now." Freddie said sheepishly.

"Then get your butt out here before I come in after you." Sam bellowed into the phone. Freddie jumped and almost dropped his cell.

"Alright, alright, I'm on my way out." He said quickly climbing from the bed and heading for the door. He had no doubt that Sam would come in after him, especially with his mom out of town at another parenting conference. When he opened his door he found Carli standing outside in the hall grinning while Sam paced back and forth impatiently.

"Hey," he said as he walked over to stand beside Carli.

"Let's go." Sam said breaking her pacing to start towards the elevator.

"Who are you waiting to call?" Carli asked as they followed along behind Sam.

"Griffin, I called and got his voicemail." Freddie said as he watched Sam tap violently on the elevator button, it was a pretty safe bet that it had been a couple hours since the blonde girl had eaten, she was acting a little squirrely.

"Oh, you wanted to be home in case he wanted to do something tonight?" Carli asked glancing over at him as the elevator opened.

"Yeah, I wanted to be able to shower and put on the outfit we picked up." Freddie replied as the doors slid open and Sam darted onto the elevator.

"Well, Groovy Smoothie isn't too far away, you'll probably have time to run back and get ready." Carli said as they stepped onto the elevator. Sam had already began to pace within the tight confines of the small box, Freddie and Carly positioned themselves in the front corners to leave her enough room to move. Sam could be a bit unpredictable when she was hungry and penned up.

"Yeah I guess so, I'm just kind of nervous, first date and all." Freddie said giving sight of relief as the doors swung open and Sam brushed past them into the lobby.

"You've been on dates before." Carly said as they followed the blonde girl across the lobby and out into the street.

"Yeah, but never with a guy, I'm thinking it's going to be a little bit different." Freddie said as they crossed the street and walked down to the smoothie place. By the time they go inside Sam was already seated at a table gnawing on a bagel.

"What are you two talking about?" She asked as she gestured for another. With food in her stomach her demeanor had improved greatly and she was ready to participate in the conversation.

"Freddie called Griffin today but got his voicemail, now he's spazzing about the first date." Carli explained as she pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Well it's kind of spazzworthy," Sam said smirking. "I mean do you even have any protection?"

"Who needs protection on the first date?" Carli asked giving Sam a incredulous look.

"Well, not everybody, but you know how fast guys like to move, imagine what it'd be like if there wasn't a girl there to slow it down."

"I'm not going to do anything on the first date!" Freddie insisted. "Let's completely ignore the fact that my mom would kill me if she found out, I'm not ready for a step that big, I haven't even got my stitches out." He said laying his wrist on the table.

. "Now look what you've done." Carli said shooting the blonde girl a dirty look. "No one expects you do anything on the first date, Freddy."

"Griffin might." Sam said grinning wolfishly as the waiter finally came back with another bagel and her smoothie.

"Sam!" Carly said glaring at the other girl. "Listen, Freddie, when Griffin and I were dating he was fine, all we ever did was kiss. The only reason I saw him with his shirt off was because he got hurt."

"He might act different with guys, though. He actually wants shiz to happen with them." Sam said philosophically. Carli reached across the table and grabbed the bagel from Sam's hands and through it across the room. Sam looked at the dark haired girl with her mouth hanging open before she jumped up to chase after her food.

"Ignore her, you know she always sees things in black and…black." Carli said soothingly.

"I know, but what if she's right, I mean I've hear that gay guys do like to move fast, what if Griffin _is _like that?" Freddie asked resting his face against the table.

"Well if he's like that then you get up and walk out. It's not like Griffin is the only other gay guy in the city." Carli said reaching over to ruffle his hair.

"No, but he's the only guy that gave me his phone number." He said sitting back up.

"Freddie, he's the only person outside of us that knows you're gay, just because he's the first guy who gave you his number doesn't mean he's going to be the last." Carli said.

"You whinged my bagel!" Sam said accusingly as she returned to the table.

"You were torturing Freddie." Carli said without an ounce of guilt.

"I was just telling the truth." Sam said shrugging as she took another bite of her bagel.

"The truth doesn't have to be so scary, Sam." Freddie said rolling his eyes at her.

"The world's a scary place." Sam said without taking her attention off her food. Carli made another reach for the bagel but Sam jerked it away and snapped at her fingers. Carli jerked her hand back and gave the blond girl a disgruntled look.

"I know," Freddie said sighing. "But I didn't try to terrify you before your first date did I?"  
"No," Sam said looking up at him for a moment. "I'm sorry, have a good time with Griffin; do you want to borrow my sock full of nickels?" Sam asked grinning at him. Before Freddie or Carli could respond his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it the colour draining from his face.

"Answer it!" Carli said excitedly nudging him.

"Hello?" Freddie said as he flipped the phone open and pressed it to his ear. He winced as his voice cracked mid word and Sam fell out of her chair laughing.

"Hey Freddie, its Griffin, what's up?" Freddie did his best to ignore Sam as she rolled back and forth on the floor cackling while Carli did her best to quiet her.

"Not a lot, I thought I'd just give you a call." He said shaking his head as Carli grabbed one of Sam's arms and drug her away from the table still laughing.

"Wow, where are you, it sounds king of noisy." Griffin said laughing lightly. Freddie couldn't help but smile.

"I'm at the Groovy Smoothie." He replied trying to keep his voice light and comfortable.

"I didn't realize it got that rowdy down there."

"Not normally." Freddie said grinning.

"So you want to hang out later, go get a bite to eat or something?"

"Um…sure, when?" Freddie asked instantly feeling stupid.

"How about later tonight, what do you say about seven thirty, meet you in the lobby?" Griffin asked.

"That'd be great, I'll see you then." Freddie said bouncing lightly in his seat.

"Later."  
"Later. The minute he hung up the phone Carli rushed back over to the table and sat down. Sam had stopped laughing but she was still lying in the floor where Carli had drug her.

"What? No return trip?" She asked climing to her feet and brushing off her clothes before coming to sit back down.

"So what did he say?" Carli asked staring intently at Freddie.

"We're going to hang out later tonight." Freddie said trying to look nonchalant by shrugging his shoulders.

"When? Where?" Carli asked bouncing in her chair.

"Seven thirty in the lobby." Freddie said grinning.

"Oh my god we've got to get back to the apartment." Carli said jumping to her feet.

"Carli, it's only a quarter 'til six." Freddie said staring up at her with his eyes wide.

"I know, that only leaves you and hour and forty five minutes to get ready." Carli said tapping her foot impatiently.

"Carli, he's a boy, all he has to do is shower and put on clothes, both of which are really optional." Sam said looking at the dark hair girl with a tired look. "It's not like he's got to shave or put on makeup or do his hair."

"You're not going to do your hair?" Carly said looking at him accusingly.

"Yeah, but it only take a few minutes." Freddie said throwing his hands up. Carli reached over and rubbed the back of her hand over his cheek.

"She's right, you don't need to shave, still come on I want to help you get ready." She said tugging at his shirt.

"Carly, I'm going to shower and put on clothes. Neither of those are things I need help with." He said slowly.

"Let me do your hair." Carli said emphatically.

"Fine," Freddie said getting up from the table. "When I finish getting dressed I'll come over to your place and you can fix my hair."

"Yay," Carli said heading towards the door.

"And she said I was being scary." Sam whispered as she got up to follow Carli.

"I know right?"

Freddie went and took a shower and pulled on the clothes that they had picked out. The jeans were slightly tighter than he remembered and he was really hoping he didn't look funny as he grabbed his gell and comb and walked across the hall to Carli's. He was especially glad that his mom was away, she never would have let him leave the house wearing a hoodie with nothing under it. He opened the door at Carli's and considered turning to run when he saw the kitchen counter where the computer sat heaped with hair care products.

"Hurry before you hair dries." Carly said urgently. He walked over to the counter and looked down at it apprehensively, there was stuff layed that he couldn't even mind. Carli patted the stool at the end of the counter and he sat down with a sigh. Sam was sitting at the kitchen table watching it all with a sadistic interest. As soon as he sat down Carli began working on his hair and his apprehension grew as she added more products. He thought about running again when she brushed his bangs down over one of his eyes. The whole time Carli worked Freddie watched Sam whose grin grew wider and wider. By the time Carli was done he was afraid to look in the mirror. When she pulled a mirror from behind the computer and plopped it down in front of him Freddie was surprised. He really didn't look like himself but he didn't look bad.

"This is alright." He said looking into the mirror.

"You look like Pete Wentz." Sam said grinning.

"So," Carli said barely glancing at the other girl.

"Pete Wentz is a hose bag." Sam said smiling viciously. "But you look alright Freddo." She got up and walked over to the counter. She reached over and grabbed hold of the hoodie's zipper and pulled it halfway down his chest.

"Perfect." She said walking away. "Don't touch it!" She shouted as Freddie moved to zip it back up a little, she hadn't even turned around. Freddie glanced at the time on the computer and started, it was already seven fifteen, Carli had spent almost an hour doing his hair.

"I better head downstairs." He said sliding from the stool. Carli wished him luck but Sam didn't say a word. Instead she followed him out into the hall and closed the door behind them.

"Here Freddie." She said pushing a strip of plastic towards him. He took it before realizing what it was.

"Sam, I don't need condoms, I told you I wasn't going to do anything." He said pushing them back towards her.

"I know, they're just in case, they'll be good for a while. Just take them, okay." She said, her face showed genuine concern so he folded them up and slipped them into the front pocket of his jeans.

"Thanks."

"No problem." She said grinning before she turned to go back into the apartment. Freddie took a deep breath and made it to the elevator. He was so nervous on the ride down that he kept jumping up and down in place until finally the elevator door slid open. He walked out into the lobby and stopped dead. Griffin was standing in the middle of the lobby holding hands with another boy. Freddie almost turned back into the elevator but it closed behind him just as Griffin looked up.

"Hey Freddie." He said smiling.

"Oh, hey." Freddie said walking across the lobby trying to look natural. He sincerely wished a hole would open up beneath him and swallow him. He couldn't believe that he had though Griffin wanted to go out on a date.

"This is my boyfriend, Stefan." Griffin said nodding towards the tall light haired boy beside him.

"Hey," Freddie said having trouble meeting either of the boy's eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Freddie." Stefan said reaching his hand out. Freddie shook his hand but drew his away as fast as he possibly could.

"Where do you guys want to go?" He asked looking out the door.

"We were thinking about hitting a Chinese place a few blocks over, if that's alright with you." Stefan said smiling warmly. Before Freddie could answer his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his hoodie pocket and glanced at the number and almost dropped the phone. It was Shane, the boy Carli and Sam had both tried to date until he ended up falling down an elevator shaft. He had been in a coma for the past couple of months.

"I need to take this." He said walking away from the other two boys.

"Shane?" He asked as he answered the phone.

"Hey, Freddie." The other boy's voice sounded hoarse.

"I can't believe it, how are you doing." He asked excitedly.

"Well, I'm kind of broken but I'm awake and the doctors don't think there's any permanent damage." His friend said laughing before groaning.

"I'm coming over." Freddie said.

"Can't wait to see you, I'm bored." Shane said Freddie could almost picture him rolling his eyes.

"I'll be there in a few." Freddie said hanging up the phone.

"Sorry guys, but I got to go see a friend of mine in the hospital." Freddie said walking back over to Griffin and Stefan.

"Oh wow, are they okay?" Griffin asked his eyebrows going up.

"Yeah, he just got out of a coma." Freddie said heading towards the door. "I'll talk to you later."


	7. Shane

When Freddie got to the hospital he could barely stand still in the elevator. He had only been friends with Shane for a few months before the accident but he could remember how excited he had been when he realized he finally had a guy friend. Not just someone he talked with at school, or another one of Sam's whipping boys like Gibby, but a genuine friend that was a guy. More importantly Shane had been all his own. He had always had to share Sam with Carli and Carli with Sam, not just that but he usually had to take back seat to the girls. Shane was just his friend, he was the new guy at school and no one knew him, Freddie didn't have to share him with anyone. The fact that Shane was into computers and audio visual stuff was just icing on the cake. Freddie hadn't even noticed Shane was good looking until Carli and Sam started fighting over him. Even then he was wrapped up with Spencer that he didn't pay much attention do it.

When Freddie walked into Shane's hospital room he definitely noticed. The boy lying in the bed was pale and a lot thinner than he had been the last time Freddie'd seen him. Dark purple smudges bloomed under his warm brown eyes and his light brown hair was shaggy and curling around his ears, but Freddie was pretty sure he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He'd been so worried about Shane, about whether or not he would ever come out of his coma, and if he did would he be the same? Now as he stood in the door to the hospital room looking at his friend he felt relief and other emotions he couldn't even try to identify.

"Hey." Shane said, his voice sounded hoarse and tired but underneath it was still warm and bright and the smile on his face made Freddie's heart flutter.

"How do you feel?" He asked as he crossed the room.

"Like I fell down an elevator shaft." Shane said grinning crookedly. "What happened to your hair? You look like an emo douche." Freddie couldn't help but laugh along with him.

"Carli did it, I had a date." He said smoothing his hand over his hair nervously.

"Oh wow a date, who with?" Shane asked his eyes widening.

"Um…" Freddie stuttered. On the way over, on the way up the elevator, it never occurred to him that his life had changed a lot in the two months that Shane had been gone. A month ago he was in this same hospital a couple floors down. Now that he was confronted with it he wasn't sure what to do and he was afraid. He was really happy to see Shane and now he was terrified that if he told him the truth he wouldn't like him anymore.

"Um…just some guy." He said quickly and quietly half hoping that Shane wouldn't hear him.

"Oh." Shane said. Freddie studied his face trying to translate the expression into some understandable emotion but he couldn't. It didn't look like disgust or anger there wasn't really that much surprise he just couldn't figure it out. "Wait, did you leave your date to come here."

"No, not really, I thought I had a date. Turns out he was just being friendly, when I got downstairs he and his boyfriend were waiting on me." Freddie said shaking his head and smiling.

"That must have sucked out loud." Shane said grinning again.

"Just a little bit, you actually saved me from an embarrassing situation." Freddie said finally taking the opportunity to sit down in the chair beside Shane's bed.

"Glad to be of service, but you know I can't come out of a coma every time you get embarrassed." Shane said leaning back in his bed, he already looked a lot more tired than when Freddie had come in.

"So seriously how are you feeling?" Freddie asked shifting slightly in his chair.

"Like I said, I feel like I fell down an elevator shaft, I'm not sure anything else covers it. I mean I'm not in a lot of pain because they set my bones while I'm asleep and half of them are already halfway healed. I feel weak because I haven't moved in two months and my muscles have gone to hell. Oh and I feel nasty as hell because I haven't had anything but sponge baths for two months." He said sighing.

"Well you don't smell too bad," Freddie said smirking. "Don't you wish you were awake for some of those sponge baths, seems like every teenage boy's dream?"

"Not really, I've seen some of the nurses and orderlies around here." Shane said pantomiming a cringe.

"I'll bring you a bottle of body spray next time I'm here." Freddie said.

"Thanks." Shan said rolling his eyes.

"How much longer are they going to be keeping you here?" Freddie asked sitting forward in his chair.

"For a while, I was down for two months, my muscle tone is negative six, I'll be in physical therapy for a while before I can get up and around again." Shane said frustrated. "You're not going to forget about me are you?" He asked looking at Freddie earnestly. "You're not going to let me languor in here by myself are you?" He asked pouting.

"Of course not, you're a much better conversationalist now that you're awake, I'll be around much more often." Freddie said nodding.

"You were here before?" Shane asked surprised.

"A couple of times, just to see how you were doing." Freddie admitted shrugging. His back was starting to twinge sitting in the uncomfortable chair so he stretches his arms over his head. The cuffs of his hoodie slid down his arm revealing the snowy white of his bandages, Shane's eyes automatically zeroed in on them and stayed there even after Freddie dropped his arms and tugged his sleeves back down self consciously.

"What happened there?" Shane asked feebly waving his finger towards Freddie's wrists.

"I kind of had a rough time about a month ago." Freddie said quietly before tugging his sleeves further down over his hands.

"How're you feeling now?" Shane asked. The words were simple and his tone was level his eyes moved to Freddie's and quickly away. It was a loaded question.

"Better, a lot better and a little bit stupid." Freddie said smiling sheepishly.

"Good, I really like you, Freddie." Shan said his eyes focusing sharply on the other boy's face.

"I like you too." Freddie said smiling gently. "You're my only friend that isn't Sam or Carli."

"No, I mean…" Shane said, he tried to reposition himself but the thick casts on his legs and weak muscles restricted his movements. Freddie jumped up from the chair and moved to help Shane. He braced himself and did his best to scoot the taller boy up into a better position. Shane put his hand on Freddie's chest; Freddie looked up and realized how close his face was to Shane. He started to move back but Shane's hand shot forward and clutched at the open front of his hoodie pulling him closer until their lips pressed together quick and hard. Freddie's eyes opened wide before drifting closed. This was his first kiss that wasn't with Sam. It was different, so different; when he had kissed Sam it was quick and light because neither of them really wanted anything but to get it over with. Kissing Shane was hard; it was like they were trying to crawl inside each other, like they were seeking warmth that skin to skin just couldn't provide. Then Shane's grip on his shirt loosened and he pulled away his eyes opening slowly. Shane was panting softly his large honey brown eyes vague and foggy.

"I mean I really _like_ you." Shane said after he'd caught his breath.

"So I gathered." Freddie said smiling, his lips felt puffy as they stretched across his teeth.

"I don't know why I never told you. I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same way, because you never seemed to notice me. I didn't want to mess things up because you were the only person I knew at school. After the whole fiasco with Sam and Carli I was going to tell you, but then I got on the elevator…and it wasn't there." Shane said rolling his eyes.

"I'm sorry I never noticed." Freddie said sitting down on the edge of his bed. "I was really mess up for a while. I thought I was in love with Carli's big brother then I was fighting it because I wanted to be normal. I didn't see anything around me, but I see you know. I see you, Shane, and you're so beautiful." Freddie said cupping his hand around the other boy's cheek. It was thin and dry, he could feel the muscles just beneath the skin, but it was the besting feeling in the world. Shane brought his hand up and caught Freddie's wrist, his thumb edged under the cuff of his hoodie and rubbed across the soft gauze of the bandage.

"I really wish I'd been there for you."

"You're here now." Freddie said smiling. Freddie leaned forward to kiss Shane but a soft knock on the door interrupted him.

"Visitation is over boys." The nurse said clearing her throat uncomfortable. Freddie leaned forward and kissed Shane quickly before standing.

"I'll come back tomorrow." He said grinning down at the taller boy.

"I'll see you then." Shane said smiling back. Freddie walked towards the door. He turned around and looked at Shane once more before heading towards the elevator. When the elevator door closed shut Freddie leaned against the wall and stared down at the floor a wide, slow smile decorating his features. He hadn't really had time to feel bad about Griffin and now the older boy was pushed from his mind by the memory of Shane's lips against his.

When he got off the elevator at his apartment he was still smiling dreamily. Instead of going to his empty apartment he walked over and opened the door to the Shay's. Sam and Carli were sitting at the computer watching more episodes of Nooky Nooky Yoogy but they turned quickly and slid off their stools when he walked in. He simply walked in and sat down on the couch his expression never changing.

"How'd it go?" Carli asked waving her hands in front of his voice.

"Earth the Fredward." Sam shouted snapping her fingers beside his ear.

"What?" He asked finally snapping out of his reverie.

"How was your date with Griffin?" Carli asked looking at him disbelievingly.

"Oh, I didn't have a date with Griffin, he has a boyfriend." Freddie said smiling at them.

"Why are you so happy?" Carli asked her grin wilting into a grimace of concern. She was beginning to think the tightly wound boy had finally snapped.

"I went to see Shane in the hospital."

"Uh huh." Sam asked losing her interest.

"He's awake."

"Really?" Sam and Carli said in unison their voices rising in excitement.

"He kissed me." Freddie said the small faraway smile twisting his lips again.

"What?" Carli said staring at him. Sam just stood by the couch with her mouth open.

"He kissed me." Freddie said finally looking at Carli, his face filled with a look of wide eyed wonder.

"Well that explains why he wouldn't choose either of us." Sam said finally before taking off towards the kitchen. She came back with a soda.

"Yeah really." Carli said dejectedly.

"Don't pout you've both had tons of boyfriends by now, this is my first one." Freddie said rolling his eyes at them wistfully.

"Fine, I'm happy for you." Sam said opening her soda to take a drink.

"You're right; Shane's yours, when we were trying to date him he ended up falling a couple stories down an elevator." Carli said shrugging.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Freddie said smiling bitterly. "He was about to tell me he liked me when he fell down that shaft."

"Oops." Carli said looking away from him quickly.

"My bad." Sam said walking way taking a sip of her soda.

"So when does he get out of the hospital?" Carli asked.

"It'll be a while; he was in a coma so long that he'll have to have physical therapy." Freddie said sighing. "I'm going back tomorrow to see him."

"No shiz." Sam said making a face at him. "If I was dating a guy like Shane I'd be at the hospital every day."

"Probably." He said shrugging. "Making out in the hospital kind of sucks."

"Did you spook the nurses?" Sam asked grinning.

"Little bit." Freddie said grinning.

"Awesome."

A/N: So I'm going to end Gethsemane here because it seems like a good place. Freddie's life is forever changed and he's finally happy. I know you all want to see more of Freddie and Shane and I might continue the storyline later on but Fredward's Gethsemane is over.


End file.
